ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
