; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My vagina is officially offended.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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