Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
