k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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