at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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