I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
