Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
