Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
