Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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