That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
