that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
