Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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