I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Liz is crying about burritos again.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
