Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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