what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
