2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
