just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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