There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Randomize
