im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
