i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
