I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
