there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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