New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
