i barfeds in our rink
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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