do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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