He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
