Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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