I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
