Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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