Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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