I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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