I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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