Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I enjoy the company of your penis
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
