I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
