Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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