how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
