worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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