the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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