I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
