I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
