I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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