That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you traded sex for a burrito?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
