so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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