So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
