I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
