You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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