Already got asked if we're dating
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
