So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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