just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
