i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
