# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
A bitchslap is in order.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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